Having “The Talk” about Mental Health with Kids
If you believe the headlines, the kids are not alright. A recent Gallup study reported that less than half of Gen Zers are thriving in their lives. Few describe their mental health as “excellent.” There’s plenty for parents, grandparents, and other people in kids’ lives to talk about when it comes to mental health. Yet many of us have no idea how to get started.
The current generation of children and young adults is pretty savvy. But it should never be assumed that they know how to talk about their own mental health without support or prompting.
Figure out your feelings about mental health.
Depending on when you grew up, the term “mental health” may as well have been a four-letter word. As recently as 10 or 20 years ago, people simply didn’t talk about depression, anxiety, or other conditions in the same way. Many considered it “crazy” to go to therapy and did it in secret, if at all.
For Black Americans, a longstanding and justified distrust of the medical establishment, combined with the belief that personal strength and prayer could help us navigate whatever came our way, meant many people around us who were struggling just didn’t seek help.
With all of the above in mind, what would your first reaction be if someone confided in you that they were struggling with their mental health? It’s worth exploring this question well before it happens, especially between you and your child.
Don’t overthink “the talk.”
The conversation starts with how your child or adolescent is feeling or doing. The point is to simply get the ball rolling and then keep the lines of communication open.
Practice active listening rather than jumping straight to problem-solving mode. This shows your child that you are a safe and non-judgmental person to talk to.
Point out what you’ve noticed.
Your child may seem more withdrawn from family or friends. They might not get the same joy out of fun or familiar activities. They might also be doing worse in school. From there, the words “Hey, lately I’ve noticed…” are a great way to kick things off.
Don’t argue with or judge what you hear in response. Even if something sounds concerning or alarming, try to keep your emotions in check and focus on being supportive. This means being collaborative, especially with your teen, who might already have ideas about what they want to do to improve the situation.
Take care of your own mental health.
Read books. Talk with friends. Look for meaningful resources of your own. And seek out therapy for yourself if you feel you need it. You don’t need to be at the “end of your rope” to start engaging in self-care.
When you practice self-care, consider including your older children from time to time and turning it into a bonding experience. For instance, even if you have sons, take them for a manicure or pedicure, normalizing the idea that self-care isn’t just for certain people. And if you’re on a budget, there are still plenty of ways you can work toward the same goal.
You won’t have every answer, but someone out there will.
There is no shortage of great resources out there to support you and your child. Teens might like the idea of listening to podcasts on their own time. On Our Minds, which started in 2021, is still accessible online through PBS. USA Today’s This is Normal is another popular podcast that focuses on destigmatizing and normalizing conversations about mental health. Parents, guardians, grandparents, and others in a child’s life may find the articles compiled by On Our Sleeves to be a helpful starter for mental health topics.
Often, kids want to connect and bond with adults other than their parents. If there isn’t anyone in your child’s life that comes to mind, the mentoring program at YMCA of Central Maryland can be a great way to connect them to just such a support system.
Sometimes, we need more intensive support. This is where culturally sensitive family therapy, like the services offered by our friends at the BUISE Foundation, come in. (Note: BUISE works with mothers and their teen daughters only.)
An additional resource The Mental Health Emergency Fund, Inc. provides is Youth Mental Health First Aid training. If you are an adult who works with youth (or has young people in your life that you care about), you can sign up for this interest form link. The class teaches you how to identify signs and symptoms of a mental health crisis, substance abuse and suicidal behavior.
Of course, keep a close eye out for new posts on our blog and subscribe to our newsletter to get a FREE copy of our resource guide, “Therapy on a Budget: How to Save Time and Money while Finding the Quality Care You Need.”
The bottom line: Fortunately (and unfortunately), there is no magic formula for “the talk.” You know your child best. In general, stick to approachable language and know where you’re coming from when you initiate conversation.
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Written by James Benjamin, Communications and Social Media Associate at The Mental Health Emergency Fund, Inc.
Check out his work at www.james-benjamin.com
