Moving Beyond “Man Up:” Promoting Conversation about Men’s Mental Health

We’re fortunate to live in a time period when talking about mental health conditions and challenges has been normalized. But that doesn’t mean everyone finds it easy. 

As a man, you might still struggle to speak up, partly because of societal expectations about how you manage – or perhaps repress – your emotions. The world is changing at a rapid pace, leaving us with less opportunity and stability and bewildering social changes that contrast with how we were raised. 

Men are forced to navigate confusing messages as a result. It's tempting to think this is exactly the time to “toughen up” and become more stoic in the face of challenges, but instead, more public figures are wearing their hearts on their sleeves, pointing out that they face the same ups and downs in life as everyone. 

To be sure, toughening up isn’t taking the high road. There are clear consequences to keeping everything in. Far from creating stronger men, the inability to talk about mental health is actually deadly, damaging men’s relationships and perpetuating generational trauma. 

“Man up” isn’t enough. It’s actually harmful.

There are clear consequences to keeping it all in. Far from creating stronger men, the inability to talk about mental health is actually deadly, damaging men’s relationships and perpetuating generational trauma. 

Depression and other mental health conditions go more untreated in men. Around the world, men die by suicide at twice the rate women do, according to the World Health Organization. When it comes to people they can confide in, men frequently have fewer strong social ties, and some 14% of males in the United States have no close friends at all, experts suggest. Science tells us that such social isolation and loneliness are closely associated with premature death. 

Depression symptoms are worse and more treatment-resistant among Black Americans than white Americans, studies show. Barely over a quarter of Black men seek treatment for their mental health symptoms. Finding culturally responsive care can also be very complicated, with severe shortages of BIPOC mental health professionals in the United States.

As parents, siblings, friends, fraternity brothers, and community leaders, Black men are paragons of strength, supporting one another and nurturing future generations. Mental health matters. There is power in breaking down the barriers that prevent difficult conversations about psychological well being. Doing so creates better fathers, partners, allies, and leaders.

Starting conversations about men’s mental health

Mental health doesn’t have to be big and scary, and talking about it does not have to mean sitting in a therapist’s office. It begins with small steps like making time for rest and relaxation, even when you’re on a budget, and talking about your days, experiences and feelings, especially by modeling these kinds of talks for the next generation.

It also means addressing misconceptions, many of which are carried inside subconsciously:

• Talking about your feelings isn’t “feminine”, and it doesn’t make you any less of a man.

• Feeling and/or showing that you’re worried or sad is just as valid as expressing frustration or anger, which boys and men are socialized to do.

• There is power in all of emotions, big and small, depending on how they’re harnessed.

• Ignoring your feelings doesn’t make them go away. Like your appendix, feelings are there whether you consciously acknowledge them or not. (Unlike your appendix, you cannot remove them.)

• Your feelings are valid, even if your assessment of a situation is incorrect.

• Engaging with and validating your sons’ feelings will not make them “soft.” Sons especially need their fathers to model healthy emotional expression and coping skills in order to grow into men who can cope with their feelings.

Including mental health “talk” into your daily life

It can help to find people who look and sound like you that are used to talking about mental health. Public figures like Washington D.C.’s Kier Gaines can go a long way toward demystifying what taking care of your mental health means. It matters to see and hear people who you can identify with, whether it’s as a fellow husband, father, brother, fraternity member, or professional. 

If you’re not quite ready to seek out help, that’s okay. Keep in mind, however, that social media influencers aren’t a replacement for therapy when you need it. None of them would tell you that the advice they put out on social media is any such a substitute. 

The bottom line: Starting a conversation about mental health really is as simple as talking. And if you need a professional to talk to, we’d recommend a therapist specializing in men’s issues, several of whom are listed in our directory. If you’re not sure whether or not you need extra support, one of our partner therapists, Dr. Orlando Wright with Halcyon Clinical Services, developed a FREE screening questionnaire for anxiety and depression.

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Written by James Benjamin, Communications and Social Media Associate at The Mental Health Emergency Fund, Inc.

Check out his work at www.james-benjamin.com