Being Mindful of our Mental Health During the Holidays

‘Tis a trying season for many of us. Indeed, a 2021 study done by the American Psychiatric Association found that 41% of Americans felt more worry during the holidays than during the rest of the year. Close to half worried about affording holiday gifts. 

Inflation has been even worse the past two years. Most of us – even those with high disposable income on paper – live paycheck-to-paycheck, while the average amount of money that will be spent on the holidays this year is nearly $900. 

There’s also the weight of expectation. Who we are, and what we know we can bring to the table, often clashes with our understanding of what’s expected of us.

If we’re among those that have struggled financially or personally, the pressure could be to put on a happy face in front of others. If we’ve experienced loss, we won’t want to “burden” others with sadness or grief at what is supposed to be a happy time. If we’re LGBTQ, it means we may attend family gatherings with people that don’t fully accept who we are. Many of us also have difficult relationships with our families of origin for countless other reasons, and struggle with the idea of not attending at all. 

There’s plenty to cherish about this time of year, from togetherness, to the spirit of giving, to tradition. But even if we’re one of the ones who finds enjoyment overall, hardships and triggers can still come to the surface. Below are few thoughts and suggestions we might find helpful.

Keep our expectations realistic. 
Hollywood and the advertising industry sell us a myth of the picture-perfect holiday. As a result, it is easy to become so overwhelmed by the way we think things should be that we miss out on the joy of what is. 

Our goals usually include joy, togetherness, and giving. But there’s an endless number of ways this could look, many of them very simple. Joy could be sipping our favorite cup of holiday-flavored tea. Togetherness could be calling up a family member or friend we haven’t spoken to in a while, or having a couple of people over to the house for a simple dinner and a movie.

Giving could be anything from a donation to our favorite charity to a smile and a warm word to someone who really needs it. We simply have to think about what we can do, and then do it!

Nudge our perspective in a different direction.

It’s common for people to think accepting reality for what it is means giving up on our goals or pushing our feelings to the side. Neither are true at all. Acceptance doesn’t mean settling for less than we deserve. Rather, it enables us to see our own power in navigating and surviving anything that comes our way.

Understand our limits. 

Our bodies are great at telling us when we’re overwhelmed or we’ve had enough. We have to be sure to listen as much as we can.

Sometimes, respecting our own boundaries and limits could be as simple as asking for practical support when we need it, like telling dinner guests that we will need them to bring a dish and/or help clean up afterwards, or putting a time limit on how long we might stay at a gathering.

Tip: Having conversations with our partner or significant other and being honest about our worries, expectations, and needs this season can go a long way. This recent MHEF blog on navigating conflict will help get us all started!

Think outside the box when it comes to finding resources.

All of us have felt alone or have struggled around this time of year before. For those of us who had an especially hard year, we may want to consider seeking the company of others who are also struggling. For example, we could check whether our church hosts any special services for people who find it extra tough to get through the season. 

Here in Baltimore, our local NAMI chapter is hosting a Healing Through the Holidays grief workshop on December 19 for people who have sustained losses and bereavements this year. Its next family support group is on December 14. Both are still open to new registrations. 

In many ways, the holidays aren’t very different from other times of the year, in that focusing on what we can control and accepting the things we can’t goes a long way toward good mental health.

A final note: Choosing to talk to someone about our holiday mental health struggles can be very beneficial and realistic—even on a budget. It’s very important to reach out when we need it!

The Mental Health Emergency Fund, Inc. has also compiled a list of counseling resources to access between now and the next stipend application cycle. We are never alone, no matter how much it may feel like that sometimes!

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Written by James Benjamin, Communications and Social Media Associate at The Mental Health Emergency Fund, Inc.

Check out his work at www.james-benjamin.com